Desolado....

Promises are things you said that cannot and should not been broken. If you think you can't keep it, you shouldn't make them at the beginning. You wouldn't know how heart broken it is...but that is the rules.

You made the choices, you choose the path so you'll have to feel the pain. You are not importante any more to the person when it is tied up with legal certificate (if you have one but if you don't, then you'll be suffering for your future generation; as if like a decade of burden). It is better to be courting together because you'll be the apple of the eye.

Why now? Why it has to keep until there's a next generation? Are you happy with this revenge? Is this a sweet revenge for you? Congratulations because it's succeed. The mother's blood, sweat & tears will only be to her "sunshine". Too much of desolado.....

It's November....

The month of November is in the picture now. Dayyan,my little son is already 3months & 10 days. So it means I am 100 days of confinement but I guess I've eaten many kinds of "forbidden" food already :).
Aidiladha was being celebrated with joy together with my siblings. I am moving to a new house too & this house is awesome! Thanks to Hubby who's trying his best in fulfilling his wife's dream but yet to have a bungalow, right Hubby? ;)
I am busy with internship and it's going to end by this December insyaAllah. My pray to Allah to be graduated with First Class Honors, insyaAllah. A few of MNC companies are calling me for an interview. Hope there's an opportunity for my career advancement.
November too bring up my marriage to the 3rd years now. How time flies....Hope everything will be at a better place for Hubby, Dayyan & me.
Talking about Dayyan, he's a smart boy and manja. He do have his own vocabulary which is "ging ging" it means MILK. He's such an adorable son and raising him teach me of being a patient person because he will cry if I am not around. It is hard for me to go out doing my work etc and maid will be leaving for good on this 15th November. I wonder how it'll be to send my lil "ging ging" to a nursery. Mommy's heart will be pounding hard then.
Sometimes there are times I was thinking of being a housewife but it's a waste of my degree. Plus I am planning to take a master program soon which now UiTM has offered me one. My prayer to Allah to lead and guide me to the right path which Allah knows best.
Well, I guess too many stories in this entry would confuse the reader too :). Owh, I just realize that there are no pictures of my little son in this blog. Well, I simply do that by hoping there are people would be interested to meet/accept him but I guess no. How I wish his late grandparents were around so he'll be loved with tender loving care....

"I have my own playmate, playpen & toys but I still want my Ging-ging Mommy"

"Yes, this is what HANDSOME looks like"

"I LOVE my Abah. It's like looking at the mirror but  without moustache"

Aidiladha with beloved son

Twinkle, twinkle little star....

Small happy family :D

"Do I look like a mat saleh boy, Mommy?"

Journey to the center of the patient....

13th september 2012, my little smart adorable son was admitted to the hospital.
This is due to the breathing problems for almost 3 weeks. He was being nabbed, suction and sadly his hands & legs were bruised because of the side lines. I cant bear to see him cry & he seems to be so scared whenever the doctors or nurses came near him.

I've been tested hardly with the situation & it was the time for me & my baby Dayyan to be alone. We share our feelings together & my smart little boy seems to understand every single things I said.
Ya ALLAH, may my son is healthier & stronger..... :(

Back into Shape

I am  working hard to have my old figure or even sexier!

The spirit....

It's the month of Syawal and I'm in confinement. The best thing happen in my life when little  Dayyan Zuffar bin Zolkifli comes into my life.
He's such an adorable child with lots of expressions, sounds, mimic and actions. Always the winner to win my heart, to take my breath away, to make me smile and even makes me cry. Well, before this, it's only his dad who has the power over me.... :).
He's now 28 days old but such a smart son, insyaALLAH.
Little Dayyan totally changes me to someone new. I become more sensitive, more....hurm...I would say it's kinda good things.
I love him so so much which I can't even describe the feelings even to write this simple entry, can easily makes me cry. The saddest part when I see him non-stop crying with teardrops on his face. Owh! Really breaking my heart.
I'm having restless nights & sometimes I do feel lazy to wake up & breast feed him (he's 100% bf). But every time when I bathe him & look at his angelic face with tiny hands & legs, I realize how important to provide the best for him.
People would say it's a normal feelings of a woman but to me it's a new thing. I've learnt a lot & with this memory, I prefer to write it down so it'll be something sweet to remember.
Mommy loves you Dayyan Zuffar :)

To The Man I LOVE The Most...

Some pray to marry the man they love, I humbly pray that I LOVE the
MAN I marry...so I did, Alhamdulillah :)

The Unforgettable Experience...

July 25th, 2012, it was 6am in the morning & I was in pain. Is this the sign? I wonder...and I went to the toilet to check whether there is any period stain, blood or amniotic fluid. Negative. I guess it's just me who being too curious, too excited. The estimated due date is on the 1st August 2012.
It was then disappear & came back at 11am. How am I going to react to this discomfort & pain. I am not sure of the sign & I googled. There are 2 types of contraction, true contraction & Braxton Hicks also known as "fake contraction". So, I guess mine was a fake contraction because it was not consistent & I thought it's just a baby movement. However, I've monitored the time & it was every 20 to 30 minutes but irregular. I called the doctor & described my situation, so the doctor said it was not the sign.
I told Hubby to bring me to the nearest clinic just to check before we decided to go to the hospital. Hubby agreed & we went to the clinic  at 6.30pm. The doctor monitored the contraction for 20 minutes & surprisingly the contraction was consistent for every 5 minutes. The doctor then write a letter to refer me to the hospital and advised me to go to the hospital immediately.
After for a while, me & Hubby decided to take our own sweet time to break-fast and drive slowly to PPUM. When we went to level 3 the nurses asked me to admitted to the labour  room. I was shocked, just like this? Since PPUM is not a husband friendly hospital, my Hubby needs to stay outside, hold all my stuffs & perhaps that was the last time of me seeing Hubby.
We arrived at the hospital at 9pm, the doctor came and checked at 10.30pm. I was given a drip & the nurse was being instructed to monitor my junior's CTG. When dripped, my contraction became regular & I can't bear the pain, it was started at 10.45pm.
11pm, when the doctor came & checked my cervical opening measurement, it was just 2cm & according to the doctor, since this is my 1st child, it might take 8-12 hours to open until 8cm.
 The pain due to consistent contraction was unbearable, I can feel the mucus (which I'm not sure whether it is  amniotic fluid or urine) every time contraction. So, I begged 1 of the nurses to check but they refused & said it was how it feels & my case I'll be delivering at 5am or 6am, again, it's my 1st baby.
11.05pm, I accidentally pushed during contraction & called 1 of the nurse to just check. At first she refused but then she agreed to check just to satisfy me.
It was 11.10pm when the arrogant nurse checked my cervical opening & guess what? The opening is already 8cm & the doctor was called to get ready for the delivery.
After 4 times of pushing the baby, Alhamdulillah, a cute, 2.75kg baby boy was delivered at 11.13pm. Hubby then came and visit at ward to recite azan to the baby.

Shukran ya ALLAH for giving me such an unforgettable experience and a supportive Husband who went through this pregnancy together... I am a happy Mommy!!