Assalamualaikum. It is now 23rd May 2014, 1:52am. This is a special entry as I am humbly would like to share my feelings right now, like, right now. So It will be in Malay to add on more emotion on this entry.
Ya Tuhan, terima kasih atas nikmat dan rezeki yg Kau beri. Dari segala sudut dan ruang, Kau berikan aku nikmat yang terkadang aku alpa pada Mu.
Ya Tuhan, syukur aku padaMu dalam kekhilafan hambaMu, aku diberi peluang untuk mendekatiMu. Kau berikan segala bentuk rezeki yang tidak disangka-sangka terhadap diri ini.
Ya Tuhan, aku malu memikirkan betapa banyak kekurangan diri ini, terkadang aku lupa mensyukuri nikmatMu. Terkadang aku solat dihujung waktu. Terkadang aku alpa dengan nikmatMu. Terkadang aku marah dengan perkara-perkara yang tidak/belum Kau perkenankan.
Tapi Kau Ya Tuhanku, tetap memberi hidayah. Tetap makbulkan doaku. Tetap memberikan aku kegembiraan yang selalunya tidak aku sedari.
Moga tawadhuk dan keimanan ku akan semakin bertambah dari hari ke hari. Menjadi muslimahMu yang solehah, ibu yang terbaik buat anak-anakku, isteri yang solehah dan bidadari syurga buat suamiku. Menjadi anak yang soleh untuk arwah abah dan mak yang telah tiada,moga doaku menempatkan mereka di syurgaMu.
Moga aku tidak pernah lupa melakukan suruhanMu dan meninggalkan laranganMu. Semoga aku tidak lupa berterima kasih di atas pemberianMu. Moga aku tidak lupa bertahajjud, bertahmid, taubat dan munajat kepadaMu. Agar hatiku, tubuh badanku, diselubungi sifat-sifat mahmudah dan terhindar dari sifat-sifat mazmumah.
Bukan untuk bermegah-megah, ini sebagai peringatan pada diri sendiri sekiranya satu hari aku terlupa.kerana sesungguhnya aku amat takut akan nerakaMu...
Perasaan yang paling indah pernah Kau berikan, apabila dalam rendah hati, aku mengerjakan solat taubat. Meminta keampunan Mu, dalam sendu keinsafan. Indah sekali...kerana ketika itu aku terasa amat dekat denganMu ya Tuhan. Aku berpeluang bermonolog dengan Mu ya Tuhan.
Moga aku diberi peluang untuk meningkatkan ketaqwaan dan keimanan ini dan melakukan yang lebih baik lagi untuk diriku, keluargaku, bangsaku dan agamaku...semuanya kerana ALLAH...
Bukan niatku menjadi ustazah atau berpujangga, tetapi hati ini terpanggil untuk menulis sebagai rujukan ku di masa hadapan andai aku bongkak dengan Yang Maha Pencipta..
Akhir kata, sesungguhnya walau ketika dalam kealpaan ku yang terdahulu, aku tidak pernah sangkal akan kekuasaan dan Kun Fa Ya Kun mu ya ALLAH....
Doa penutup bicara "Kau bukakan hati dan lembutkan hati suamiku Zolkifli Saffar untuk mengerjakan solatMu, melakukan suruhanMu, meninggalkan laranganMu dan menjadi khalifah bagi membimbing keluarga ku...Ameen"
2:25am.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Beloved brother Ahmad Khairi bin Mohamed
It's been a while, I was not in a mood to write. But today, I've decided to share about my beloved 2nd brother, my late brother, Ahmad Khairi bin Mohamed.
He left us on 5th November 2013. Heart attack. I consider it as a sudden death because he's fit, still young (for me) at aged 52 years old and active.
I would say, a good person will 'go' early. When I was a little girl, he's the brother that I closed to since my 1st brother was in US, further his studies.
I am the youngest (siblings of 5) in a family with far gap with my 4th sister. Every time he came back, he'll bring me something. Toys, dresses, food etc but when he didn't come back for quite sometimes, Mom will send him a letter, "Baliklah anakanda ku Khairi, adindamu Dalin amat merinduimu....". That was the words, I read it and still fresh in my memory.
Abang Khairi, which I called him Bang Teh is a simple person. He's funny, humble and a loving brother. He's a type of person who will feed his sisters (Kak Mas, Kak Yang & me) with his own hands, even after we grown up, married & have kids. He's a type of person who will consume her kids left over food without feel disgust. He's a type of person, what ever it takes, what ever his condition is, will help his siblings whenever I am in need (but I was grown up from the supportive family. We were trained by our parents to always be there when our family need us the most..Blessed)
Abang Teh is a soft spoken brother. I never see him angry. I never hear him shouting at other people. He has friends from different range of ages. Everybody likes him.. He's a happy-go-lucky type. Nobody will know what's inside him except the persons who closed to him i.e. cousins. He wouldn't want to bother his siblings with his problems, instead he's the one who will cheer us up. Ohh...how I miss my brother.
He told me once, he wants to give the best to his family. His thought was just like my late Dad. "Abang Teh takde harta nk tinggal for Kak Angie (his wife), Andy & Harrisya. Tapi Bang Teh sekolahkan anak2 Bang Teh supaya mereka boleh hidup senang in the end". He always consider himself as the black goat in a family because he didn't do well in his studies. But I looked up on him.
Yes, people won't realize until they've lost something. I lost my loving brother. My Abang Teh who always said to me, "Adik boleh ke buat ini...Adik boleh ke buat tu.." Just because I am the youngest and he always have a thought that I am his little sister.
He is....so....KIND HEARTED. He never tell bad things about other people. NEVER. He's been cheated many times in business but NEVER a word, cursing to the persons. "Bukan rezeki Bang Teh", he said.
" Ya Allah, forgive Ahmad Khairi Mohamed. Make him among the guided ones, raise his status and be his deputy among the grieving. Ya Allah forgive us and him and make his grave wide and full of light. Ya Allah! Forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail.
He left us on 5th November 2013. Heart attack. I consider it as a sudden death because he's fit, still young (for me) at aged 52 years old and active.
I would say, a good person will 'go' early. When I was a little girl, he's the brother that I closed to since my 1st brother was in US, further his studies.
I am the youngest (siblings of 5) in a family with far gap with my 4th sister. Every time he came back, he'll bring me something. Toys, dresses, food etc but when he didn't come back for quite sometimes, Mom will send him a letter, "Baliklah anakanda ku Khairi, adindamu Dalin amat merinduimu....". That was the words, I read it and still fresh in my memory.
Abang Khairi, which I called him Bang Teh is a simple person. He's funny, humble and a loving brother. He's a type of person who will feed his sisters (Kak Mas, Kak Yang & me) with his own hands, even after we grown up, married & have kids. He's a type of person who will consume her kids left over food without feel disgust. He's a type of person, what ever it takes, what ever his condition is, will help his siblings whenever I am in need (but I was grown up from the supportive family. We were trained by our parents to always be there when our family need us the most..Blessed)
Abang Teh is a soft spoken brother. I never see him angry. I never hear him shouting at other people. He has friends from different range of ages. Everybody likes him.. He's a happy-go-lucky type. Nobody will know what's inside him except the persons who closed to him i.e. cousins. He wouldn't want to bother his siblings with his problems, instead he's the one who will cheer us up. Ohh...how I miss my brother.
He told me once, he wants to give the best to his family. His thought was just like my late Dad. "Abang Teh takde harta nk tinggal for Kak Angie (his wife), Andy & Harrisya. Tapi Bang Teh sekolahkan anak2 Bang Teh supaya mereka boleh hidup senang in the end". He always consider himself as the black goat in a family because he didn't do well in his studies. But I looked up on him.
Yes, people won't realize until they've lost something. I lost my loving brother. My Abang Teh who always said to me, "Adik boleh ke buat ini...Adik boleh ke buat tu.." Just because I am the youngest and he always have a thought that I am his little sister.
He is....so....KIND HEARTED. He never tell bad things about other people. NEVER. He's been cheated many times in business but NEVER a word, cursing to the persons. "Bukan rezeki Bang Teh", he said.
" Ya Allah, forgive Ahmad Khairi Mohamed. Make him among the guided ones, raise his status and be his deputy among the grieving. Ya Allah forgive us and him and make his grave wide and full of light. Ya Allah! Forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail.
Cleansehim of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave and the fire. You are The Forgiving, The Most Merciful"
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Bits and pieces....
Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option.
It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want.
It's hard to take a role in someone's life when you're not even part of the script.
It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.
It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want.
It's hard to take a role in someone's life when you're not even part of the script.
It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.
Perfection, Imperfection...
She's not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She isn’t going to quote poetry, she’s not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Don’t hurt her, don’t change her, and don’t expect for more than she can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect girls don’t exist, but there’s always one girl that is perfect for you...
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Fighting Fate...
Once, a boy and a girl fall in LOVE. It seems pure, honest and real. So regardless of the background, status, obstacles and objections they were fighting the fate by being together.
Fate is stronger than they thought. Even after sometimes, after something, they are never been accepted by the surroundings. People talked, people fought against them, people pushed them to the "tense" zone. Sometimes they are strong to fight back but most of the time, it is inside them who they are struggling with. Words are too sharp to slice the soul, act is too blunt to be bold and two people who is in LOVE is now live in a cold....
Fate is stronger than they thought. Even after sometimes, after something, they are never been accepted by the surroundings. People talked, people fought against them, people pushed them to the "tense" zone. Sometimes they are strong to fight back but most of the time, it is inside them who they are struggling with. Words are too sharp to slice the soul, act is too blunt to be bold and two people who is in LOVE is now live in a cold....
Monday, January 21, 2013
Note to Self....
Always remember even when the memories pinch your heart...
Because the pain of all your experience is what makes the person you
Are now... So don't live life in fear.After all the crap has happened,
Than you ever were back before you started...
Because the pain of all your experience is what makes the person you
Are now... So don't live life in fear.After all the crap has happened,
Than you ever were back before you started...
Heart....
Laugh even when you feel too sick.
Smile even when you are trying not to cry.
Sing even when people stare at you.
Trust even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl even when your mind makes no sense in what you see.
Frolick even when you are made fun of.
Kiss even when others are watching.
Sleep even when you are afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run even when it feels like you can't run anymore.
Smile even when you are trying not to cry.
Sing even when people stare at you.
Trust even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl even when your mind makes no sense in what you see.
Frolick even when you are made fun of.
Kiss even when others are watching.
Sleep even when you are afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run even when it feels like you can't run anymore.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Love of My Life
 |
| His adorable action makes me melt |
 |
| His laugh tickled my heart away |
 |
| His eyes keep secret between us |
Random....
Whatever it is, what ever it takes, it is a norm for human being, when you have it, you'll never appreciate it. Once it'll gone it won't come back for good.
It is really upset when you choose because of LOVE, the LOVE is just a LOVE that is stagnant like a statue but the impact is permanent like a tattoo.....
Friday, December 28, 2012
Beri Kami yang Terbaik
kita tak pernah menyangka
ini semua akan terjadi
mungkin kita terlalu lupakannya
hingga akhirnya berikan cobaan ini
hilang semua milik kita
petik hikmah dari segala yang terjadi
Tuhan mohon lepaskan semua
cobaaan dan penderitaan ini
Tuhan beri kami kekuatan
untuk bisa menghadapi ini
mungkin kita terlalu sombong
anggap diri kita yang paling hebat
sampai kita melupakan-Nya
hingga akhirnya berikan cobaan ini
kita pasti akan hilang
kita pasti akan kembali padanya
Tuhan mohon lepaskan semua
cobaaan dan penderitaan ini
Tuhan beri kami kekuatan
untuk bisa menghadapi ini
hanya Engkau yang sanggup tenangkan
gelisah dan resah di hati
Tuhan mohon lepaskan semua
cobaaan dan penderitaan ini
Tuhan beri kami kekuatan
untuk bisa menghadapi ini
hanya Engkau yang sanggup tenangkan
gelisah dan resah di hati
berilah kami yang terbaik
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Our small tiny little world...Dayyan & me
False Love...you said...
"So many girls fall in love with the wrong guys,simply because the wrong guys say the right things...."
Desolado....
Promises are things you said that cannot and should not been broken. If you think you can't keep it, you shouldn't make them at the beginning. You wouldn't know how heart broken it is...but that is the rules.
You made the choices, you choose the path so you'll have to feel the pain. You are not importante any more to the person when it is tied up with legal certificate (if you have one but if you don't, then you'll be suffering for your future generation; as if like a decade of burden). It is better to be courting together because you'll be the apple of the eye.
Why now? Why it has to keep until there's a next generation? Are you happy with this revenge? Is this a sweet revenge for you? Congratulations because it's succeed. The mother's blood, sweat & tears will only be to her "sunshine". Too much of desolado.....
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
It's November....
The month of November is in the picture now. Dayyan,my little son is already 3months & 10 days. So it means I am 100 days of confinement but I guess I've eaten many kinds of "forbidden" food already :).
Aidiladha was being celebrated with joy together with my siblings. I am moving to a new house too & this house is awesome! Thanks to Hubby who's trying his best in fulfilling his wife's dream but yet to have a bungalow, right Hubby? ;)
I am busy with internship and it's going to end by this December insyaAllah. My pray to Allah to be graduated with First Class Honors, insyaAllah. A few of MNC companies are calling me for an interview. Hope there's an opportunity for my career advancement.
November too bring up my marriage to the 3rd years now. How time flies....Hope everything will be at a better place for Hubby, Dayyan & me.
Talking about Dayyan, he's a smart boy and manja. He do have his own vocabulary which is "ging ging" it means MILK. He's such an adorable son and raising him teach me of being a patient person because he will cry if I am not around. It is hard for me to go out doing my work etc and maid will be leaving for good on this 15th November. I wonder how it'll be to send my lil "ging ging" to a nursery. Mommy's heart will be pounding hard then.
Sometimes there are times I was thinking of being a housewife but it's a waste of my degree. Plus I am planning to take a master program soon which now UiTM has offered me one. My prayer to Allah to lead and guide me to the right path which Allah knows best.
Well, I guess too many stories in this entry would confuse the reader too :). Owh, I just realize that there are no pictures of my little son in this blog. Well, I simply do that by hoping there are people would be interested to meet/accept him but I guess no. How I wish his late grandparents were around so he'll be loved with tender loving care....
Aidiladha was being celebrated with joy together with my siblings. I am moving to a new house too & this house is awesome! Thanks to Hubby who's trying his best in fulfilling his wife's dream but yet to have a bungalow, right Hubby? ;)
I am busy with internship and it's going to end by this December insyaAllah. My pray to Allah to be graduated with First Class Honors, insyaAllah. A few of MNC companies are calling me for an interview. Hope there's an opportunity for my career advancement.
November too bring up my marriage to the 3rd years now. How time flies....Hope everything will be at a better place for Hubby, Dayyan & me.
Talking about Dayyan, he's a smart boy and manja. He do have his own vocabulary which is "ging ging" it means MILK. He's such an adorable son and raising him teach me of being a patient person because he will cry if I am not around. It is hard for me to go out doing my work etc and maid will be leaving for good on this 15th November. I wonder how it'll be to send my lil "ging ging" to a nursery. Mommy's heart will be pounding hard then.
Sometimes there are times I was thinking of being a housewife but it's a waste of my degree. Plus I am planning to take a master program soon which now UiTM has offered me one. My prayer to Allah to lead and guide me to the right path which Allah knows best.
Well, I guess too many stories in this entry would confuse the reader too :). Owh, I just realize that there are no pictures of my little son in this blog. Well, I simply do that by hoping there are people would be interested to meet/accept him but I guess no. How I wish his late grandparents were around so he'll be loved with tender loving care....
 |
| "I have my own playmate, playpen & toys but I still want my Ging-ging Mommy" |
 |
| "Yes, this is what HANDSOME looks like" |
 |
| "I LOVE my Abah. It's like looking at the mirror but without moustache" |
 |
| Aidiladha with beloved son |
 |
| Twinkle, twinkle little star.... |
 |
| Small happy family :D |
 |
| "Do I look like a mat saleh boy, Mommy?" |
Journey to the center of the patient....
13th september 2012, my little smart adorable son was admitted to the hospital.
This is due to the breathing problems for almost 3 weeks. He was being nabbed, suction and sadly his hands & legs were bruised because of the side lines. I cant bear to see him cry & he seems to be so scared whenever the doctors or nurses came near him.
I've been tested hardly with the situation & it was the time for me & my baby Dayyan to be alone. We share our feelings together & my smart little boy seems to understand every single things I said.
Ya ALLAH, may my son is healthier & stronger..... :(
This is due to the breathing problems for almost 3 weeks. He was being nabbed, suction and sadly his hands & legs were bruised because of the side lines. I cant bear to see him cry & he seems to be so scared whenever the doctors or nurses came near him.
Ya ALLAH, may my son is healthier & stronger..... :(
Thursday, August 23, 2012
The spirit....
It's the month of Syawal and I'm in confinement. The best thing happen in my life when little Dayyan Zuffar bin Zolkifli comes into my life.
He's such an adorable child with lots of expressions, sounds, mimic and actions. Always the winner to win my heart, to take my breath away, to make me smile and even makes me cry. Well, before this, it's only his dad who has the power over me.... :).
He's now 28 days old but such a smart son, insyaALLAH.
Little Dayyan totally changes me to someone new. I become more sensitive, more....hurm...I would say it's kinda good things.
I love him so so much which I can't even describe the feelings even to write this simple entry, can easily makes me cry. The saddest part when I see him non-stop crying with teardrops on his face. Owh! Really breaking my heart.
I'm having restless nights & sometimes I do feel lazy to wake up & breast feed him (he's 100% bf). But every time when I bathe him & look at his angelic face with tiny hands & legs, I realize how important to provide the best for him.
People would say it's a normal feelings of a woman but to me it's a new thing. I've learnt a lot & with this memory, I prefer to write it down so it'll be something sweet to remember.
Mommy loves you Dayyan Zuffar :)
He's such an adorable child with lots of expressions, sounds, mimic and actions. Always the winner to win my heart, to take my breath away, to make me smile and even makes me cry. Well, before this, it's only his dad who has the power over me.... :).
He's now 28 days old but such a smart son, insyaALLAH.
Little Dayyan totally changes me to someone new. I become more sensitive, more....hurm...I would say it's kinda good things.
I love him so so much which I can't even describe the feelings even to write this simple entry, can easily makes me cry. The saddest part when I see him non-stop crying with teardrops on his face. Owh! Really breaking my heart.
I'm having restless nights & sometimes I do feel lazy to wake up & breast feed him (he's 100% bf). But every time when I bathe him & look at his angelic face with tiny hands & legs, I realize how important to provide the best for him.
People would say it's a normal feelings of a woman but to me it's a new thing. I've learnt a lot & with this memory, I prefer to write it down so it'll be something sweet to remember.
Mommy loves you Dayyan Zuffar :)
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