Maha Pencipta

Assalamualaikum. It is now 23rd May 2014, 1:52am. This is a special entry as I am humbly would like to share my feelings right now, like, right now. So It will be in Malay to add on more emotion on this entry.

Ya Tuhan, terima kasih atas nikmat dan rezeki yg Kau beri. Dari segala sudut dan ruang, Kau berikan aku nikmat yang terkadang aku alpa pada Mu.

Ya Tuhan, syukur aku padaMu dalam kekhilafan hambaMu, aku diberi peluang untuk mendekatiMu. Kau berikan segala bentuk rezeki yang tidak disangka-sangka terhadap diri ini.

Ya Tuhan, aku malu memikirkan betapa banyak kekurangan diri ini, terkadang aku lupa mensyukuri nikmatMu. Terkadang aku solat dihujung waktu. Terkadang aku alpa dengan nikmatMu. Terkadang aku marah dengan perkara-perkara yang tidak/belum Kau perkenankan.

Tapi Kau Ya Tuhanku, tetap memberi hidayah. Tetap makbulkan doaku. Tetap memberikan aku kegembiraan yang selalunya tidak aku sedari.

Moga tawadhuk dan keimanan ku akan semakin bertambah dari hari ke hari. Menjadi muslimahMu yang solehah, ibu yang terbaik buat anak-anakku, isteri yang solehah dan bidadari syurga buat suamiku. Menjadi anak yang soleh untuk arwah abah dan mak yang telah tiada,moga doaku menempatkan mereka di syurgaMu.


Moga aku tidak pernah lupa melakukan suruhanMu dan meninggalkan laranganMu. Semoga aku tidak lupa berterima kasih di atas pemberianMu. Moga aku tidak lupa bertahajjud, bertahmid, taubat dan munajat kepadaMu. Agar hatiku, tubuh badanku, diselubungi sifat-sifat mahmudah dan terhindar  dari sifat-sifat mazmumah.

Bukan untuk bermegah-megah, ini sebagai peringatan pada diri sendiri sekiranya satu hari aku terlupa.kerana sesungguhnya aku amat takut akan nerakaMu...

Perasaan yang paling indah pernah Kau berikan, apabila dalam rendah hati, aku mengerjakan solat taubat. Meminta keampunan Mu, dalam sendu keinsafan. Indah sekali...kerana ketika itu aku terasa amat dekat denganMu ya Tuhan. Aku berpeluang bermonolog dengan Mu ya Tuhan.

Moga aku diberi peluang untuk meningkatkan ketaqwaan dan keimanan ini dan melakukan yang lebih baik lagi  untuk diriku, keluargaku, bangsaku dan agamaku...semuanya kerana ALLAH...

Bukan niatku menjadi ustazah atau berpujangga, tetapi hati ini terpanggil untuk menulis sebagai rujukan ku di masa hadapan andai aku bongkak dengan Yang Maha Pencipta..

Akhir kata, sesungguhnya walau ketika dalam kealpaan ku yang terdahulu, aku tidak pernah sangkal akan kekuasaan dan Kun Fa Ya Kun mu ya ALLAH....

Doa penutup bicara "Kau bukakan hati dan lembutkan hati suamiku Zolkifli Saffar untuk mengerjakan solatMu, melakukan suruhanMu, meninggalkan laranganMu dan menjadi khalifah bagi membimbing keluarga ku...Ameen"


2:25am.

Beloved brother Ahmad Khairi bin Mohamed

It's been a while, I was not in a mood to write. But today, I've decided to share about my beloved 2nd brother, my late brother, Ahmad Khairi bin Mohamed.

He left us on 5th November 2013. Heart attack. I consider it as a sudden death because he's fit, still young (for me) at aged 52 years old and active.

I would say, a good person will 'go' early. When I was a little girl, he's the brother that I closed to since my 1st brother was in US, further his studies.

I am the youngest (siblings of 5) in a family with far gap with my 4th sister. Every time he came back, he'll bring me something. Toys, dresses, food etc but when he didn't come back for quite sometimes, Mom will send him a letter, "Baliklah anakanda ku Khairi, adindamu Dalin amat merinduimu....". That was the words, I read it and still fresh in my memory.

Abang Khairi, which I called him Bang Teh is a simple person. He's funny, humble and a loving brother. He's a type of person who will feed his sisters (Kak Mas, Kak Yang & me) with his own hands, even after we grown up, married & have kids. He's a type of person who will consume her kids left over food without feel disgust. He's a type of person, what ever it takes, what ever his condition is, will help his siblings whenever I am in need (but I was grown up from the supportive family. We were trained by our parents to always be there when our family need us the most..Blessed)

Abang Teh is a soft spoken brother. I never see him angry. I never hear him shouting at other people. He has friends from different range of ages. Everybody likes him.. He's a happy-go-lucky type. Nobody will know what's inside him except the persons who closed to him i.e. cousins. He wouldn't want to bother his siblings with his problems, instead he's the one who will cheer us up. Ohh...how I miss my brother.

He told me once, he wants to give the best to his family. His thought was just like my late Dad. "Abang Teh takde harta nk tinggal for Kak Angie (his wife), Andy & Harrisya. Tapi Bang Teh sekolahkan anak2 Bang Teh supaya mereka boleh hidup senang in the end". He always consider himself as the black goat in a family because he didn't do well in his studies. But I looked up on him.

Yes, people won't realize until they've lost something. I lost my loving brother. My Abang Teh who always said to me, "Adik boleh ke buat ini...Adik boleh ke buat tu.." Just because I am the youngest and he always have a thought that I am his little sister.

He is....so....KIND HEARTED. He never tell bad things about other people. NEVER. He's been cheated many times in business but NEVER a word, cursing to the persons. "Bukan rezeki Bang Teh", he said.

" Ya Allah, forgive Ahmad Khairi Mohamed. Make him among the guided ones, raise his status and be his deputy among the grieving. Ya Allah forgive us and him and make his grave wide and full of light. Ya Allah! Forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail.

Cleansehim of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave and the fire. You are The Forgiving, The Most Merciful"

Bits and pieces....

Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want.

It's hard to take a role in someone's life when you're not even part of the script.

It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.

Perfection, Imperfection...

She's not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She isn’t going to quote poetry, she’s not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Don’t hurt her, don’t change her, and don’t expect for more than she can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect girls don’t exist, but there’s always one girl that is perfect for you...

Fighting Fate...

Once, a boy and a girl fall in LOVE. It seems pure, honest and real. So regardless of the background, status, obstacles and objections they were fighting the fate by being together.
Fate is stronger than they thought. Even after sometimes, after something, they are never been accepted by the surroundings. People talked, people fought against them, people pushed them to the "tense" zone. Sometimes they are strong to fight back but most of the time, it is inside them who they are struggling with. Words are too sharp to slice the soul, act is too blunt to be bold and two people who is in LOVE is now live in a cold....

Note to Self....

Always remember even when the memories pinch your heart...
Because the pain of all your experience is what makes the person you
Are now... So don't live life in fear.After all the crap has happened,
Than you ever were back before you started...

Heart....

Laugh even when you feel too sick.
Smile even when you are trying not to cry.
Sing even when people stare at you.
Trust even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl even when your mind makes no sense in what you see.
Frolick even when you are made fun of.
Kiss even when others are watching.
Sleep even when you are afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run even when it feels like you can't run anymore.